The topic for this week is donor sperm. What I’m going to share is about our destinies, our fate, how sometimes things just work out and about people taking offers of sperm seriously.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about fate lately, and the way our lives travel along these paths that we really cannot see ahead of time. What has truly triggered this for me is my parents car crash. It was waiting for them, along their journey in life, but no one had any idea that one moment they would be driving down a highway in California and the next minute they would be crunched into a tree. It is their path, their journey and sometimes we don’t know where that journey will take us.
It’s funny how life falls together, the pieces drifting around until somehow they become a picture and you have this “aha” moment. This happened for us in 2005 as Megan and I were discussing how to make our dream of a family actually become a reality. Some may find it amusing that I actually felt quite strongly at the time that I not only wanted an anonymous donor but I wanted one without ID release. I had this idea that this stranger, a man without a face, would become too tempting for our children, too much a fantasy figure that would save them from what they were sure to feel was some sort of hell their parents had plunged them into. I didn’t want them to be able to access that person who I was sure they would feel completes them. Then Megan brought up the possibility of using Rainbow Flag and suddenly I did a complete 180 degree shift in attitude. It wasn’t that person who was threatening me, it was my kids lacking knowledge, and I realized the best way to protect our family was to provide knowledge from the very beginning. In one moment the conversation shifted from where to get sperm to WHO.
This is where life is funny. If my life had gone any different way, our donor would not have been out there. I would have never uttered his name as someone we could ask. We would have never said, “no way, not him” then considered it again. This is where I’m amazed how our path has travelled to where we absolutely should be. This is why I feel our children are our destiny. One different decision, one different step, one different experience, and we would have never collided. There was no one else out there, it was just him. We asked (it was nowhere near as simple as I’m portraying). He said yes. We have two amazing kids and two men in our lives who we love dearly and who our children love dearly as well. And all I can say is Thank You Universe.
This is a serious post with a not very serious title, so I will end by telling a story. Our donor offered his sperm in a very casual way. In a very public place. If he had never done that, I would have never thought of him, I would have never asked The Question. It seemed like a joke, but DUDE, don’t even casually offer a baby-hungry lesbian your sperm. She’ll want to take you up on it. And if she takes you up on it, you might actually end up making a baby. Or two. And if you make a baby, you might end up with a couple of eternally grateful lesbians on your hands. Forever. So watch out.
And the carnival rolls on – read more entries about donor sperm here…
